Friday, December 30, 2005
Can't sleep.
Only six hours left to try.
I have a pillow that hooks up to my iPod (Is that the proper, cool way to spell it? Ipod? iPoD? Who the fuck knows?) I'll try to soothe myself into dreamland with some Dead Kennedys...
Thats right... Pillow and iPod together. Envy me.
My mommy got me that for Christmas.
Miguelito at 12:39 AM
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Thursday, December 29, 2005
Talked to a good friend today.
I miss that friend.
I think that's why I'm sometimes reluctant to call him. The laughs come so easily, it's like we've never been apart. It reminds me, I guess, just how much I miss that kind of friendship. It's something I just don't get enough of these days. It's all about work and sleep and routines that I've fallen into. Sigh.
Yeah, I know. I sound depressed. It's my day off. That's why. Days off suck.
Mostly.
This Monday I'll be taking a trip to Disneyland with my lady friend. She hasn't been there in like eight years or something. It'll be so cool to see someone see that place, that place I've been a million times, with new eyes.
That will be a good day off.
If it doesn't rain...
Sigh.
Miguelito at 4:12 PM
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Wednesday, December 28, 2005
I had a dream last night that my girlfriend broke up with me.
I haven't had a dream like that in two years. And the last time I had it, my ex had already broken up with me. I couldn't sleep for weeks. Horrible.
I don't know what it means now. I imagine that the last time I had nightmares like this, it was my subconscious mind attempting to deal with my problems by making me relive them over and over again in my sleep. I imagined every scenario; from the most trite, hollywood tearjerkers to things that Clive Barker might have dreamed up. Every possible way to re-imagine the way my last relationship ended.
And isn't it funny? It was like being in tremendous physical pain. Like, having a headache that blinds you. The kind of pain you make deals with God about. "Please God, let me live through this pain and I'll never forget what it felt like. Please, if you just take away this pain... I'll never forget what it was like and I'll cherish every moment that you let me live without it." And just like that, slowly it fades. Life creeps in. You still have to work, to eat, to live. And so you do. And you forget everything that happened. You welch on your pact with God.
I don't know what my dream meant. My girlfriend and I are going strong, not a problem in sight. I'm not worried. But that dream last night brought back a feeling of hopelessness I'd worked my damnedest to forget. Maybe it's God reminding me to appreciate what I've got.
I do.
Sorry, God. I'm an asshole.
Miguelito at 10:58 PM
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Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Wow. 2005 is almost over. I just got used to writing "2005" on things. It takes me about six months or so to really get into the swing of a year. Usually, it take me about eight or so to make plans. This may have a great effect on my effectiveness as a human being.
I spend way too long coasting through life. Don't we all? Then, like morons, we decide that "Next year will be different!" Aren't we pathetic? If we haven't embraced a positive work ethic and moral code by now... Well... It ain't happening. We're all so good at scheming, at imagining how things will be when we finally get off our asses. And another year goes by the wayside.
It has been said that our imagination is what sets us apart from lesser beasts. That may be true. But isn't that our greatest hindrance as well? If a lioness spent all day thinking about how cool it would be if she killed a gazelle, about how awesome the other lions would think she was... She would starve. Because other lions would be doing it. Good for you Nike. Great slogan.
I'm so lazy I haven't even begun to daydream yet. Maybe in March.
Miguelito at 8:37 PM
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Monday, December 26, 2005
You see that last post down there?
That one where I wish you all good will?
I take it back.
No. I only take it back if you were one of the hundred or so morons I had to deal with today.
I have gradually formed the opinion that some of you do not deserve to have money... That for you, the old ways are best. You should bury your money in a shoebox in the back yard and leave me the fuck alone.
Apparently, it's MY fault that you spent yourselves into the poorhouse over the holidays. Somehow, I'M responsible for the fact that you spent money with no regard to the consequences of your actions. Two words: Screw you.
We get all sorts of useless shit pored into our brains in school. Where's the class on financial planning and/or responsibility? It's frankly amazing that some people are allowed to have jobs in the first place when viewing what they do (or don't do) with their paychecks. Fuck financial responsibility... How about personal responsibility? How 'bout admitting that you're a moron when it comes to money? Fess up! You don't know how banks work. Admit it!
And by the way... The best way to make a banker laugh is to threaten to close your account. Oh, PLEASE don't take your $24.36 away from my multi million dollar financial institution! Believe me, the money we make off your overdraft and NSF fees doesn't even BEGIN to compensate for the mental strain of listening to you try to whine, cajole, and bully your way out of them. Two words: We win. Every time. Shut up.
But, if you kept your fool yap shut today. The previous post applies.
Miguelito at 9:04 PM
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Sunday, December 25, 2005
I'm thinking about you...
You people out there.
I hope the holidays find you well. I hope that right now, you're kicking back and full of turkey or ham or pasta... Surrounded by shredded wrapping paper and watching the game.
I hope your family didn't fight too much. That no one had too much egg nog, but rather just enough.
I hope you and yours were reminded how much you miss each other when you're apart. And that, when you say you'll see more of each other in the coming year... You mean it.
I hope you got puppies and cool clothes and cartons of smokes and whatever it was your heart desired. I hope you didn't get too many oranges and socks.
I hope you didn't eat alone at Dennys tonight.
Get snuggly and relax and enjoy today. There aren't many days like this.
Merry X-Mas.
Miguelito at 9:04 PM
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Friday, December 23, 2005
I made a startling discovery today. I became aware that shopping for me and shopping for a circus clown have far too many similarities for my taste.
I like the same outlandish clothing, the same geegaws and thingamajigs. I even like brightly colored shoes! For the love of God! What's wrong with me?!?!
It's the night before the night before Christmas. Wheeee!
Work tomorrow.
So... Tired...
So... Full... Of... Deli... Meats...
Must sleep...
I wonder if anyone's read any of this yet?
Miguelito at 8:49 PM
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Thursday, December 22, 2005
Day two. A day off of work. As much as I hate to work... I hate being off work even more.
I think this is because I love to be alone. I love it and hate it at the same time. If I didn't have to work, I don't think I would ever leave the house. This makes me sad and depressed when I think about it... What a weird and horrible mind I have. I never really enjoy things the way that I should. Then I wind up regretting it later, making myself even more down-in-the-dumpsy. I really have no idea how anyone ever puts up with me. Maybe it's just holiday malaise.
I really need a change right now. Any little change would do.
My Christmas shopping was complete a week ago. I think that is a problem. At least when you're running around like a madman at the last minute, the holidays can seem like a surprise. Now, with everything complete... Wrapped crappily by yours truly and waiting for delivery... The coming of Christmas has become like some slow and inexorable march of doom.
Even as I write this, I'm dreading work tomorrow.
I need a dog or something.
Something cheery, ya know? An unconditional little friend. I have fish. Fish are many things, but cheery ain't one of 'em.
Miguelito at 9:57 PM
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Wednesday, December 21, 2005
This is the first harried scribbling of a new era. Doesn't that sound pretentious? Good. That's the sort of arrogant, dime-store writing I had in mind for this endeavor. No... Just kidding.
My name is Michael Christian Martin. You'll want to remember that. Write it down somewhere. Go ahead, I'll wait...
O.K. You got it? Michael Christian Martin. Or... Mike, if you prefer. I'm the one who's going to be writing things here. Every day - Something new. That's the plan, Stan.
You may be asking yourself at this point: "Who gives a shit?" And you would be right. Who indeed? Well... Me for one. I give a shit. I care about you. I'm here if you need me. I'm a cool dude. I'm going to be your best friend. I AM YOUR BEST FRIEND.
A little about me: I'm terribly attractive. You may discern this for yourselves by leaving me a comment and viewing my picture and my large and impressive head. I am also a vastly talented writer, as you may have already discerned for yourselves. I am a Virgo. I could care less that I'm a Virgo... But I am one if that means something to you. If the fact that I am a Virgo means anything to you... Then you have my deepest sympathies.
I'm an actor. I also work for a large financial institution that would sue me into oblivion if I mentioned their name on this site. So, wisely... I will not mention it. But is IS very good at screwing people. I can attest to this, as I am the living instrument by which the screwing is accomplished. It takes a special sort of man to do what I do, and a special sort of man to be as mildly successful at it as I am.
Notice please, that in the paragraph above there is only one sentence in which I discuss the fact that I'm an actor. Isn't that fucked up? I think so. Look at what I've become. Pathetic. So consumed by my workaday life that I have forgotten the very thing that makes my soul leap. The cubicle has consumed me. Can there be any hope? I cannot say. I may go mad. That would be another good reason to stay tuned, in fact. Because... Very shortly... I may go mad.
I tried this all before, you know. I used to have another blog. It's gone now. I wiped it out like a case of the clap. Because I'm a fickle bitch. Mercurial, you might say. Or perhaps, addle-brained. I will let you, my gentle reader, be the judge.
In fact, I have lied to you already! If you look below, you will notice that I had planned to start writing here on the New Year. LIES! I couldn't stop myself. So here I am.
I can't say what this will be. Or whether it will make any sense at all. But it will be here, if you're interested.
Miguelito at 9:43 PM
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Tuesday, December 20, 2005
This blog will begin officially on Jan 1st, 2006... If i'm not too hungover. So... Come back then.
Miguelito at 9:54 AM
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Sunday, December 04, 2005
this is a test. testes.
Miguelito at 9:52 PM
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