The Green Robot

2006-04-09T18:50:00.000-07:00

Today I'm putting in an offer for a house. This process would be much easier if I didn't have nearly every member of my family telling me what an idiot I am.

$285,000. Wow.

2006-04-07T17:36:00.000-07:00

Hey Mike, we miss you. You should come and hang out with us tonight. We know you'll just watch the Laker game and fall asleep at 9:00 otherwise.

Live a little!

And by the way... Congratulations on your promotion. You deserve it. You are an amazing man.

- Them

2006-04-05T18:05:00.000-07:00

I just want to get over this hill so badly... This one last push before I get a house and "settle down". Damn, it's a long and frustrating road.

I'm not where I want to be in life and I'm making the world suffer for it. That's really shitty of me.

I've tried to make an appointment to see a psychiatrist... But they won't return my calls.

That was not a joke.

2006-03-29T17:52:00.000-08:00

I'm without words.

No words.

None.

Don't have any.

I'll work on it.

2006-03-28T17:53:00.000-08:00

I'm at a point in life... A big one. The doorway of adulthood yawns before me. House. Marriage. All of the Big Stuff.

Am I wrong to be scared shitless? I am.

But I can't stop myself from making the big choices just because I'm afraid of the choices I'll make. Sometimes, you just have to roll the dice. You weigh the pros and cons... And you just have to pick a side eventually.

My biggest problem is that I have no confidence in my own judgment. I would like to think that I had a track record of sound decision-making to base my life on... I don't. I've never been able to see the forest for the trees, in relationships... In my career... Anywhere.

I have the feeling that something enormous is right in front of my nose, waving its arms frantically and wearing a drug store Hawaiian shirt... And I just can't (or won't) see it.

Fuck.

2006-03-22T21:58:00.000-08:00

Well... Let's see...

Raise. Got one. Check.

Home Loan. Pre-Approved. Check.

Anniversary Plans. Planning. Check.

Life is pretty good right now... Pretty good.

Bedtime. 10:00. Check.

2006-03-16T17:56:00.000-08:00

In the ongoing war for my affections... Both HBO and Showtime have had their days in the sun. But... HBO... Seriously... Why Boomerang? Why every day?

I love The Sopranos... Deadwood, Curb Your Enthusiasm. All great.

But... Boomerang?

Every God-damned day.

2006-03-09T22:50:00.000-08:00

Heard I was gettin a raise today.

I think that I care about that... In some, as yet-to-be-determined way.

Need to mull it over. Weird.

I'm really having a hard time getting overly passionate about things anymore. That bothers me...

But... Apparently not too much. I'm Mellow Yellow. Even Steven.

2006-03-06T18:46:00.000-08:00

I'm a book man.

I'm reading three books at the moment. This is a strange habit to those who know me... Reading multiple books at once. But... There it is. It's what I do.

Currently:

1776 by David MacCullough.
Lamb by Christopher Moore.
The Last Season by Phil Jackson.

and...

Cell by Stephen King.

I've read every Stephen King book. Most of them I've read five or six times over. Cell got me thinking...

As I read it so far (about a third of the way through), it seems to be pretty standard zombie fare. Now, zombies have never done much for me as far as scares are concerned. For me, it's the serial killer. The man you may pass by a thousand times without realizing he keeps a collection of pickled penises in his medicine cabinet. That scares me.

But I think now I realize the attraction. Zombie stories are not about the zombies. They're about the people who deal with the zombies. The fear comes, not from the shambling corpse bearing down on you at two miles an hour... But from your fellow survivors. The same people who should, by all rights, be firmly seated in your boat. They invariably sell you down the river. They sacrifice you. They lock you out of the cellar. You know the drill. The continue to cling to those little realities that are still afforded them when the world comes crashing down. Selfishness, greed, lust. The basic sins. When the world becomes basic... So do our evils.

Also, these sorts of stories are intellectually stimulating. Stop laughing. It allows us to think to ourselves: "What would I do?" We get to play armchair post-apocalyptic quarterback. Where are the guns? How do we get them? What kind of guns are best? Would guns even be effective?
How about food? A safe shelter?

Most important. We get to critique the decisions of the heroes... Somehow believing that we would not be the asshole who throws the teenage girl at the undead horde to save his own ass - And knowing full well that we would.

I like this book. But then again... Stephen King could write a damned fine cookbook, in my opinion.

2006-03-03T17:56:00.000-08:00

At work, I receive little gifts on an almost daily basis now.

Today: 2 movie passes.
Yesterday: A $20.00 gift certificate for Barnes and Noble.

Little gifts all the time. It's kind of cool.

Today I realized that I had made my company over $50,000 last month. Should I feel something about this? Should I view these little rewards as kudos for a job well done... Or as meaningless pacifiers that keep me from realizing how little I'm paid in relation to my worth to the company? Am I, like the common crow, amused by shiny objects?

I don't know.

And maybe, I'm just too old to care anymore. What? Like I'm going to stage a strike or something? Organize a union? No. I'm too lazy for that.

Caw.

2006-02-28T17:57:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile hasn't it?

Did you miss me? All three of you?

I've been working and stuff. By "stuff" I mean trying to fix my credit report before September (The magical month Pink and I have set to buy a house). It's amazing how the good things we do in life are so ethereal... So quickly lost to the void of time. But my delinquent electric bill from 15 years ago still haunts me. Piss on you, world.

I also realized today that I'm in the process of applying for a position in my company that routinely, I curse. I am trying to become that which I most despise. Fun! Still... The money's good...

Yes.

I'm becoming one of those awful people who will actually entertain the discussion topic: "What would you do if you won the lottery?"

That is the worst thing I can confess.

2006-02-20T23:25:00.000-08:00

So much is going on...

So much, in fact, that I can't sleep.

I wish less was going on.

I like sleep.

2006-02-16T17:52:00.000-08:00

Only one more day until the weekend... One more day. I can put up with anything for one day, right? RIGHT?!?!

I sure as hell hope so. I hope I can last another 24 hours without losing my mind. HOPEHOPEHOPE.

Blech. That's not a word in traditional sense (Blech), but I do feel it. I feel Blech.

Oh well.

Maybe my whole world view is somehow mystically tied to the fortunes of The Los Angeles Lakers... If so, it's been nice knowin' ya.

2006-02-13T17:57:00.000-08:00

Good day! It was a good day. Good at work, at home, with Pink, with friends. The first house in my real estate empire looks like it may be close to fruition. Just a plain 'ol good day.

You?

How's it goin?

Good?

I hope so. We all deserve it.

2006-02-11T06:47:00.000-08:00

Now, normally I deal with the higher balance customers at my job (For those of you just joining us, I work for a bank). They are called premier customers (bank slang for worthwhile). These people generally have their shit... If not together, then at least in a loose pile in the corner. Still, on occasion I will deal with what we call a consumer customer (bank slang for: retard). Here are some samples of the average (consumer) interaction:

1. They: "I have a $50.00 bill... How much is it worth?"
Me: "... $50.00"
They: "But... It's from 1975!"
Me: "..."

2. They: "I have a Plat-an-ee-um card!"
Me: "Um... Platinum?"

3. They: "I never authorized any overdraft fees on my account!"

4. They: "My PIN number is... "
Me: "No, NO! Wait! You don't ever want to give out..."
They: "... 4923!"
Me: (Fuck)

5. Me: "Miss, I think I can understand your problem, however..."
They: "Maybe you would hear better with a dick in your mouth!"
Me: "... What?"

Just a small selection. I hope you've enjoyed it. Keep in mind however, that if you laughed (and you should, that's some funny shit), that most people fall into the consumer category. Hell... I fall into the consumer category! It's scary. They are us!

Take a pledge with me now folks. It's too late for this generation. But think... Of the children. Raise your right hand and repeat after me:

I...

Promise to teach my children...

Some basic personal finance...

And if I have any children...

Over the age of sixteen...

Who have not been taught this lesson...

And have a bank account...

I will hunt them down...

And kill them.

Seriously, kill them.

2006-02-09T22:21:00.000-08:00

Sheesh. It's pretty amazing what I won't kill over these days.

Tonight, I'm snoozing. Zzzzz. And who should call? The Pink Robot. Why? To tell me to wake up and write something.

Well here it is:

@$#%^@#!%!$%!!!!!

Some choice words for The Pink Robot. Doesn't she know that I need my rest if I'm to go back to the pit of misery that is my job?

Damn that place takes a toll on a man. I can't be expected to endure it on less than 12 hours sleep.

The sounds of fireworks and ghetto birds and backfires are lulling me back into sleeps warm embrace.

Goodnight.

Zzzzz...

2006-02-07T17:47:00.000-08:00

The Lakers are getting stomped early. Getting wacked like a gangland snitch. My girlfriend is having a shitty day, too. I'm rooting for them all.

I figure if the Lakers get smacked down like I think they will, then my positive vibes will rub off on The Pink Robot... I've only got so much mojo to go around.

I'm trying to buy a house. For this you all need to root for me. Fuck the Lakers. Me. I need your prayers.

California is a cruel mistress to it's prospective home buyers.

2006-02-06T22:42:00.000-08:00

In the wee, small hours of the night... I think to myself: Am I where I want to be in life? At this stage? At this age?

Yes and no.

Could I have accomplished more? Of course. Couldn't we all? What percentage of men have ever truly lived up to their potential? I've participated in enough self-destructive behavior to choke a horse. I've gone well past shooting myself in the foot. That particular gun has been pressed to my temple for quite some time.

But I've known tremendous happiness as well. Often, I've been most happy in those moments when I've been the most outrageously irresponsible. I'm a failure junkie... But I'm trying really hard to get clean.

But I look at the good things in my life: The great relationship I'm in, the way that people seem to like me even after I've given them a thousand reasons not to, the fact that I can actually recognize my biggest faults... And I have hope.

Hope that I can, if not realize my fullest potential, then at least realize the potential I still have left. To be the kind of man that there's still time left to be. Not perfect. Not even half... But hopefully, a guy on the right side of mediocre.

A guy who, unfortunately, still can't pick a Super Bowl to save his life. Seahawks. What the fuck was I thinking...?

2006-02-02T18:48:00.000-08:00

I'm doing TAXES! WHEEEEEEE!

Here's a thought... If the damned government wants my taxes so bad, why don't they do the paperwork?!?! Sheesh. It's like buying a mugger dinner.

At least I get some money back.

Money. Money. Money.

That's all it's about, isn't it? If I ever have children, I will squash any hopes of their pursuing artistic careers. Art is for dopes. I've certainly learned my lesson.

2006-01-31T18:50:00.000-08:00

I'm studying. For work.

Didn't I study enough in school? Must I really be subjected to taking notes? Using a highlighter? It's sad, really.

2006-01-30T18:13:00.000-08:00

My head is POUNDING! I have a killer headache, and I wasn't even hammered last night. No fair.

Chicken Pot Pie will help to soothe this savage beast...

2006-01-27T21:31:00.000-08:00

Things that happened today:

1. I got a promotion (of sorts).
2. Two of our resident homosexuals at work admired my sweater.
3. Made reservations to eat brunch (my favorite meal) and listen to gospel music (some of my favorite music) on Sunday (with Mistress Roboto, my favorite girlfriend).
4. Watched the Laker game.
5. Trained a new co-worker and was complimented on my skills as an educator.
6. Watched me some new Homestar Runner (it still kills me).
7. Received offers to be in two theatre productions.

God, you punk ass... You really know how to keep me from blowing my brains out.

Oh... And I found this out:

Ten Top Trivia Tips about The Green Robot!

The pigment Indian Yellow was manufactured from the urine of cows fed only on The Green Robot.
The National Heart Foundation recommends eating The Green Robot at least three times a week!
Scientists believe that The Green Robot began billions of years ago as an enormous ball of dust and gas.
The deepest part of The Green Robot is over 35,000 feet deep.
Research indicates that The Green Robot will be attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas.
Two grams of The Green Robot provide enough energy to power a television for over twenty-three hours!
Moles are able to tunnel through 300 feet of The Green Robot in a day!
The Green Robot can eat up to four kilograms of insects in a single night!
Japan provides over thirty percent of the world's The Green Robot supply.
The Green Robot was the first Tsar of Russia.

2006-01-26T17:57:00.000-08:00

What a day. My day today has been filled with an unreasoning anger. Why? I don't know.

I do this sometimes. People who know me, even those closest to me, have no idea how monumentally pissed off I get sometimes. I couldn't even begin to explain it. Anger/Depression/Anger/Depression... This is the great, swinging emotional pendulum of my life.

If I worked at a post office, I would have killed them all by now.

But what the hell... I'll get over it. Till next time.

I need to write some better shit on this thing. That would be a good idea. I miss my muse.

2006-01-25T18:02:00.000-08:00

This is gonna sound like some crazy ass shit...

I'm so glad to be back to work.

Really.

Isn't that fucked up?

I'm happier at work than I am at home... And I'm not happy at work. So there ya go. Life is like a bowl of shit.

2006-01-24T12:00:00.000-08:00

I've been a negligent writer of late. I've been sick. I mentioned this earlier. Because I did not receive enough grilled cheese in time... I've been laid out pretty good over these last few days. But tomorrow, back to work. Come Hell or high water. Healthy or not, here I come.

I'm been driven mad sitting at home anyway. So there's my curious dilemma: Mental health or physical. Or both? Or neither?

Hmmm... I'm ranting. Must be the Day-Quil talking. Is that the way you spell that? Dunno.

Anyway...

Cough.

2006-01-20T11:42:00.000-08:00

Only Kevynn over at Fat Free Milk will appreciate this.

As I said below, I'm sick right now. What does one do when sick? Read, watch T.V., make groaning noises, etc. My girlfriend is busy as hell so I can't see her too much until later in the weekend. So what did I do? I ran some errands. Little, simple stuff that wouldn't make me puke out of my car window. In so doing, I passed a comic book shop.

Now, I used to read and collect comics... But it's been some time. Many years have passed since I picked up a comic. But I went in and picked some up. I figured at least it would help pass the time if I'm gonna be laid up anyway, right?

I realized that I really dig comics. Still. And I'm old.

What does this mean?

I am A HUGE DORK!

I guess I always have been... But it's been more of an "in the closet" type thing. So I'm going to unburden my heavy heart today. Comics are cool.

P.S: I'm still much cooler than the people who work at comic book stores, though. Cooler... I'm cooler than those weirdos in the way that let's say... Prince is cooler than me. Much, much cooler. Sheesh those people are odd.

2006-01-19T21:54:00.000-08:00

I'm sick. That blows.

My throat hurts.

And... No grilled cheese or 7-up to be found. Nor a pickle...

I may die.

2006-01-18T18:01:00.000-08:00

I'm beginning to know how cops feel...

Ditto for DMV workers.

People in general are so damned annoying and ignorant that it's no wonder to me that the aforementioned groups become jaded and intolerant. I certainly have become less forgiving in my opinions of the general public, quicker to judge.

Maybe it's not a "P.C." thing to say... But dammit: STEREOTYPES EXIST BECAUSE A PATTERN OF BEHAVIOR HAS BEEN OBSERVED IN A CERTAIN GROUP!

It kills me to admit it, but intolerance can sometimes be learned. And not from our racist great-uncles from the deep south... Sometimes intolerance is bred from actually dealing with a certain ethnic, religious, or economic group.

This is not to say I've become intolerant of any one group. I've become intolerant of them all. Why? Because all races and creeds are connected by one common thread: A shameful stupidity and arrogance. Not only that, but most people nowadays are actually proud of how ignorant they are. A generalization? Yes. True? Yes.

Grrr...

2006-01-17T17:54:00.000-08:00

So... I'm a little in awe of The Pink Robot. I just can't believe how hard she works. Full time at work and school... Studies constantly. Me? One eight hour day of sitting on my ass dealing with finances is enough to put me right to bed. She's up earlier and goes to bed later, she does like a thousand times more shit than I do per day. It's pretty damned amazing. It makes me tired just thinking about it. Right now she's studying... And I'm eating pork. Makes me feel like a douche-bag.

Thus, I have re-committed myself to keeping busy. My organizer is loaded with shit to do (writing this is one of those things), if only to make me feel like I have some semblance of a fulfilling life. Idle hands are the Devil's playground, right? So it has always been with me. If I'm not constantly focused, I will quickly focus on destroying myself.

The organizer's calling...

2006-01-16T19:58:00.000-08:00

I'm this close (holds thumb and forefinger close together) to being able to buy my first home... Scary. Cool. Scary. Cool.

I figure if I plan for this well, then I'll be O.K. Trouble is, I don't know how to plan for this. All I know is that houses cost many dollars... And that I must endeavor to save those dollars rather than spend them on nonsense. But... Nonsense is fun.

What does the Bible say? When I became a man, I put away childish things? There's a big part of me that says: "NOT YET!" But if not now when? It's time. Time to grow up...

But not too much.

2006-01-15T17:40:00.000-08:00

I'm a big girl.

Seriously. I have many womanly ways. I'm coming to realize this more and more. Especially because I've been shopping all weekend. And enjoying it. I'm weird.

Just got my trusty Franklin-Covey organizer back up to date, though... So that makes me feel more manly.

I guess.

I'm gonna go try on my new dresses now.

2006-01-13T17:54:00.000-08:00

I'm a happy little clam right now.

Things at work are going GREAT! Yay!

I don't know what else to say... It's not easy writing when you're in a good mood. At least for me.

Isn't that odd?

It says something about me, something I'm afraid to examine too closely. And certainly, not tonight.

2006-01-12T18:47:00.000-08:00

I barbecued today. I'm a damn good... Barbecue-er? Griller? Open-air chef? I don't know what you call it, but I'm damn good at it. Today it was New York Strips with a chili powder and cilantro rub. Damn tasty if I do say so myself. Throw in some corn, baked potato, and garlic bread... And you can imagine how happy I am.

I like the word "rub" when used as a noun. Like: "That was a tasty rub you put on them thar steaks, Mr. Martin." I've begun to move away from marinades (a long time staple in my cooking technique) and towards the mouth-watering simplicity of "the rub."

Wow. What the Hell am I rambling on about? "Rubs?" One of you should drive over to my house and slap me in the mouth. It seems like more and more, my fingers just type away without any connection to my conscious brain. Thus, weird "rub" ramblings. Sorry.

Rub.

Hehehe.

2006-01-11T20:51:00.000-08:00

I'm not a skinny man. I'm not fat... But I sure as shit am not emaciated. Why then must people always ask me if I'm hungry? I must have a hungry sort of look about me. Then again, it could be that way too many people associate food with happiness. Take my job, for example... All day long people eat candy. Non stop. They complain when the "candy bucket" is not stocked with their favorite treats. It's downright disgusting. Seemingly, the only thing that keeps them going is the constant intake of Hershey's Kisses. And it's not like we're construction workers... We sit on our asses ALL DAY. So the asses get bigger and bigger and bigger... I'm generally regarded as "weird" by my co-workers because I don't gorge myself on candy. I don't like candy. Never really have. But somehow this makes me some sort of strange, sub-human monster in the eyes of my office mates. That's fucked up, I think. All day long, I see young twenty-something girls with asses the size of manhole covers... But I'm the one with the problem.

Wow. Guess I've never heard of paragraphs, eh?

2006-01-10T20:41:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, and granted it happens rarely, I feel like I'm really good at something. Today was one of those days. I actually came home from work today feeling satisfied... The contentment of "a job well done."

It'll pass.

But not tonight. Tonight I will dream of sales conferences in Cancun...

... And sex.

In Cancun.

Sigh. I'm a bit randy tonight. Flush with power, I guess. A man likes to have sex when he feels good about himself. I guess women are the opposite.

Which would explain a great many things...

Anyway... Props and kudos to me. I'm rad. And everyone thinks so. So there.

2006-01-09T20:40:00.000-08:00

I feel bad.

The Pink Robot gave me a fish some time ago. That fish died today. I think he was just old, and maybe it was his time to go... But I still feel terrible.

In other news, someone I know is going to do some amateur stripping tonight. The topless variety. I won't be there. I'm not sad about this. Frankly, the thought of it is a little disgusting. Actually... A LOT disgusting. On many levels. I won't be there.

Guess that's it.

2006-01-08T22:11:00.000-08:00

There's something about Disneyland. It's a something that says: "Hell, I've already spent $300.00... why not go for an even $500.oo?" It's like a child's Vegas. And even though I have no children, Disneyland turned me back into one today. A child with no regard for fiscal responsibility.

I must say though, you get what you pay for in the Magic Kingdom. Some may argue this point. But for me, there's something intangibly wonderful about walking down Main Street U.S.A. in the evening with Christmas lights in the trees.

Days like this however, remind me how valuable a camera can be. Ditto a decent pair of shoes... My legs are so tired now that they'll be jumping and jiving all night with cramps and spasms. Also, a better job might help. $20.00 for clam chowder... That is not a joke.

But damn I had a good time. And unlike Vegas, I don't feel violated now.

2006-01-07T18:03:00.000-08:00

I'm gonna go to Disneyland tomorrow. I know I said I was gonna go a few days ago. I didn't. It was raining something fierce that day. So - Tomorrow.

Sundays are great. I can forget on Sundays. It's something about The Pink Robot... She makes me forget. In a good way, mind you. Forget work, forget stress, forget all the troubles of the world and my place in them. I am as close to actually being me as I can be with her.

That sounds weird.

But true. It's funny that with me being 30 some odd years old, I still don't know who I am. I so many ways, everything I do is a facade. Not necessarily fake, because I wholeheartedly believe in whoever I'm being at the time, but not real.

Yeah, yeah. Bullshit. I know. Angsty bullshit.

Anyway... She makes me feel free.

... And breezy.

Disneyland. Tomorrow. Early.

The end.

2006-01-06T19:43:00.000-08:00

Burger King - Chicken Sandwich with Cheese... It makes a wonderful pretense of being healthy.
Del Taco - Macho Beef Burrito... Big, fat gutbomb. I love it.
Taco Bell - Steak Quesadilla... Steak and... Cheese? I think it's cheese...
Jack In The Box - Jalapeno Poppers... One of the few "spicy" fast foods that live up to the hype.
McDonald's - Coke... I know they don't make the Coke... But it's different here somehow...
Wendy's - Frosty... Good. Period.
Carl's Jr. - Criss cut fries... That's what they're called, right?

I'm a creature of amazing habits. Nine times out of ten I WILL order one of these items at their respective restaurants. I am powerless against them. They are my axis of evil.

2006-01-05T23:14:00.000-08:00

I'm full of pasta... And something called "chocolate indulgence". Too full really, to write anything significant tonight.

And 'ya know what? That's perfectly O.K.

Goodnight now.

2006-01-04T21:03:00.000-08:00

The Pink Robot is having bad dreams. I went online to interpret them. Now, I don't know if dream interpretation is bunk or not, but it seemed that she's dreaming about us. Pink and Green.

Apparently (if the website is to be believed), she is feeling suffocated and inadequate. Somehow, I have that effect on significant others. I don't know how it happens. I could be wrong. The website could be wrong. Don't know.

I have crazy ass dreams. I dreamt once that I was chasing an orange banana cross-country with a butterfly net. I dreamt that I had a giant, blue Praying Mantis for a pet that killed my whole family. Once (this one's the best), I dreamt that I had been told that I had won some sort of award. When I went to the designated place to accept my prize, I was ushered into a huge auditorium with everyone I know in attendance. Everyone assembled there then took turns telling me how I had wronged them. Good times.

Dream interpretation sucks.

2006-01-03T20:39:00.000-08:00

So I'm trying to write something. Hmm...

I have a very hard time working at a job, I've found. Every morning I spend a good fifteen minutes or so with a horrible, queasy feeling in the pit of my gut. It's the sort of thing that will lead to my early grave, I'm afraid. I can't help it. I don't know what I'm worried about. Don't know how to stop it. It's always been like this. At this job and every other I've worked... A nameless, creeping dread.

I'm beyond caring about such things as my mental health. I figure, if I haven't mastered being a normal person by now, it ain't happening. Some things are just hard wired into your brain.

If someone were to invent the machinery to harness my anxiety, I could power Baltimore.

Well... That was very depressing. What I just wrote. Depressing.

Hmm...

Okay! How about this?

A puppy and a kitty and a ducky all playing together. In matching pants. Plaid ones. And they have pizza. Also, they have recently saved their farm from a dastardly land baron's machinations. They are named Bart, Huggins, and Quackster respectively. And the farm makes lolipops.

There. Now don't we all feel better?

2006-01-02T21:32:00.000-08:00

I find that I spend a great deal of time pondering the ruts in life I find myself in. The routines. I think the heart of my frustration comes from having the same conversations over and over again. I swear... The SAME conversations. It gets so I don't want to talk anymore.

I think I made my girlfriend (who we'll call... The Pink Robot) frustrated today because all I wanted to do was snug. By snug I mean... Well... Snuggle. Shut up. I like to snuggle. Fuck off. It's just that... More and more I just like being quiet.

Quiet.

Shhh...

2005-12-30T00:39:00.000-08:00

Can't sleep.

Only six hours left to try.

I have a pillow that hooks up to my iPod (Is that the proper, cool way to spell it? Ipod? iPoD? Who the fuck knows?) I'll try to soothe myself into dreamland with some Dead Kennedys...

Thats right... Pillow and iPod together. Envy me.

My mommy got me that for Christmas.

2005-12-29T16:12:00.000-08:00

Talked to a good friend today.

I miss that friend.

I think that's why I'm sometimes reluctant to call him. The laughs come so easily, it's like we've never been apart. It reminds me, I guess, just how much I miss that kind of friendship. It's something I just don't get enough of these days. It's all about work and sleep and routines that I've fallen into. Sigh.

Yeah, I know. I sound depressed. It's my day off. That's why. Days off suck.

Mostly.

This Monday I'll be taking a trip to Disneyland with my lady friend. She hasn't been there in like eight years or something. It'll be so cool to see someone see that place, that place I've been a million times, with new eyes.

That will be a good day off.

If it doesn't rain...

Sigh.

2005-12-28T22:58:00.000-08:00

I had a dream last night that my girlfriend broke up with me.

I haven't had a dream like that in two years. And the last time I had it, my ex had already broken up with me. I couldn't sleep for weeks. Horrible.

I don't know what it means now. I imagine that the last time I had nightmares like this, it was my subconscious mind attempting to deal with my problems by making me relive them over and over again in my sleep. I imagined every scenario; from the most trite, hollywood tearjerkers to things that Clive Barker might have dreamed up. Every possible way to re-imagine the way my last relationship ended.

And isn't it funny? It was like being in tremendous physical pain. Like, having a headache that blinds you. The kind of pain you make deals with God about. "Please God, let me live through this pain and I'll never forget what it felt like. Please, if you just take away this pain... I'll never forget what it was like and I'll cherish every moment that you let me live without it." And just like that, slowly it fades. Life creeps in. You still have to work, to eat, to live. And so you do. And you forget everything that happened. You welch on your pact with God.

I don't know what my dream meant. My girlfriend and I are going strong, not a problem in sight. I'm not worried. But that dream last night brought back a feeling of hopelessness I'd worked my damnedest to forget. Maybe it's God reminding me to appreciate what I've got.

I do.

Sorry, God. I'm an asshole.

2005-12-27T20:37:00.000-08:00

Wow. 2005 is almost over. I just got used to writing "2005" on things. It takes me about six months or so to really get into the swing of a year. Usually, it take me about eight or so to make plans. This may have a great effect on my effectiveness as a human being.

I spend way too long coasting through life. Don't we all? Then, like morons, we decide that "Next year will be different!" Aren't we pathetic? If we haven't embraced a positive work ethic and moral code by now... Well... It ain't happening. We're all so good at scheming, at imagining how things will be when we finally get off our asses. And another year goes by the wayside.

It has been said that our imagination is what sets us apart from lesser beasts. That may be true. But isn't that our greatest hindrance as well? If a lioness spent all day thinking about how cool it would be if she killed a gazelle, about how awesome the other lions would think she was... She would starve. Because other lions would be doing it. Good for you Nike. Great slogan.

I'm so lazy I haven't even begun to daydream yet. Maybe in March.

2005-12-26T21:04:00.000-08:00

You see that last post down there?

That one where I wish you all good will?

I take it back.

No. I only take it back if you were one of the hundred or so morons I had to deal with today.

I have gradually formed the opinion that some of you do not deserve to have money... That for you, the old ways are best. You should bury your money in a shoebox in the back yard and leave me the fuck alone.

Apparently, it's MY fault that you spent yourselves into the poorhouse over the holidays. Somehow, I'M responsible for the fact that you spent money with no regard to the consequences of your actions. Two words: Screw you.

We get all sorts of useless shit pored into our brains in school. Where's the class on financial planning and/or responsibility? It's frankly amazing that some people are allowed to have jobs in the first place when viewing what they do (or don't do) with their paychecks. Fuck financial responsibility... How about personal responsibility? How 'bout admitting that you're a moron when it comes to money? Fess up! You don't know how banks work. Admit it!

And by the way... The best way to make a banker laugh is to threaten to close your account. Oh, PLEASE don't take your $24.36 away from my multi million dollar financial institution! Believe me, the money we make off your overdraft and NSF fees doesn't even BEGIN to compensate for the mental strain of listening to you try to whine, cajole, and bully your way out of them. Two words: We win. Every time. Shut up.

But, if you kept your fool yap shut today. The previous post applies.

2005-12-25T21:04:00.000-08:00

I'm thinking about you...

You people out there.

I hope the holidays find you well. I hope that right now, you're kicking back and full of turkey or ham or pasta... Surrounded by shredded wrapping paper and watching the game.

I hope your family didn't fight too much. That no one had too much egg nog, but rather just enough.

I hope you and yours were reminded how much you miss each other when you're apart. And that, when you say you'll see more of each other in the coming year... You mean it.

I hope you got puppies and cool clothes and cartons of smokes and whatever it was your heart desired. I hope you didn't get too many oranges and socks.

I hope you didn't eat alone at Dennys tonight.

Get snuggly and relax and enjoy today. There aren't many days like this.

Merry X-Mas.

2005-12-23T20:49:00.000-08:00

I made a startling discovery today. I became aware that shopping for me and shopping for a circus clown have far too many similarities for my taste.

I like the same outlandish clothing, the same geegaws and thingamajigs. I even like brightly colored shoes! For the love of God! What's wrong with me?!?!

It's the night before the night before Christmas. Wheeee!

Work tomorrow.

So... Tired...

So... Full... Of... Deli... Meats...

Must sleep...

I wonder if anyone's read any of this yet?

2005-12-22T21:57:00.001-08:00

Day two. A day off of work. As much as I hate to work... I hate being off work even more.

I think this is because I love to be alone. I love it and hate it at the same time. If I didn't have to work, I don't think I would ever leave the house. This makes me sad and depressed when I think about it... What a weird and horrible mind I have. I never really enjoy things the way that I should. Then I wind up regretting it later, making myself even more down-in-the-dumpsy. I really have no idea how anyone ever puts up with me. Maybe it's just holiday malaise.

I really need a change right now. Any little change would do.

My Christmas shopping was complete a week ago. I think that is a problem. At least when you're running around like a madman at the last minute, the holidays can seem like a surprise. Now, with everything complete... Wrapped crappily by yours truly and waiting for delivery... The coming of Christmas has become like some slow and inexorable march of doom.

Even as I write this, I'm dreading work tomorrow.

I need a dog or something.

Something cheery, ya know? An unconditional little friend. I have fish. Fish are many things, but cheery ain't one of 'em.

2005-12-21T21:43:00.000-08:00

This is the first harried scribbling of a new era. Doesn't that sound pretentious? Good. That's the sort of arrogant, dime-store writing I had in mind for this endeavor. No... Just kidding.

My name is Michael Christian Martin. You'll want to remember that. Write it down somewhere. Go ahead, I'll wait...

O.K. You got it? Michael Christian Martin. Or... Mike, if you prefer. I'm the one who's going to be writing things here. Every day - Something new. That's the plan, Stan.

You may be asking yourself at this point: "Who gives a shit?" And you would be right. Who indeed? Well... Me for one. I give a shit. I care about you. I'm here if you need me. I'm a cool dude. I'm going to be your best friend. I AM YOUR BEST FRIEND.

A little about me: I'm terribly attractive. You may discern this for yourselves by leaving me a comment and viewing my picture and my large and impressive head. I am also a vastly talented writer, as you may have already discerned for yourselves. I am a Virgo. I could care less that I'm a Virgo... But I am one if that means something to you. If the fact that I am a Virgo means anything to you... Then you have my deepest sympathies.

I'm an actor. I also work for a large financial institution that would sue me into oblivion if I mentioned their name on this site. So, wisely... I will not mention it. But is IS very good at screwing people. I can attest to this, as I am the living instrument by which the screwing is accomplished. It takes a special sort of man to do what I do, and a special sort of man to be as mildly successful at it as I am.

Notice please, that in the paragraph above there is only one sentence in which I discuss the fact that I'm an actor. Isn't that fucked up? I think so. Look at what I've become. Pathetic. So consumed by my workaday life that I have forgotten the very thing that makes my soul leap. The cubicle has consumed me. Can there be any hope? I cannot say. I may go mad. That would be another good reason to stay tuned, in fact. Because... Very shortly... I may go mad.

I tried this all before, you know. I used to have another blog. It's gone now. I wiped it out like a case of the clap. Because I'm a fickle bitch. Mercurial, you might say. Or perhaps, addle-brained. I will let you, my gentle reader, be the judge.

In fact, I have lied to you already! If you look below, you will notice that I had planned to start writing here on the New Year. LIES! I couldn't stop myself. So here I am.

I can't say what this will be. Or whether it will make any sense at all. But it will be here, if you're interested.

Opening Day...

2005-12-20T09:54:00.000-08:00

This blog will begin officially on Jan 1st, 2006... If i'm not too hungover. So... Come back then.

A Test..

2005-12-04T21:52:00.000-08:00

this is a test. testes.